What is it that hurt me the most?

How could one hide behind some facade,entangled with lies and more lies to cover the previous one’s, hiding behind a mystery and still manage to act normal,rather pretend to be normal?

This never made sense to me,until it did.

I wasn’t searching for perfect cause that would mean searching for an eternity. Far from it,I was looking for a mess,someone to get dirty with,(and yes,every other illustration works)basking in each others imperfections, blending too well that every time he’d get peanut I’d grab a bag of crisps.

Tired of being judged I wanted someone I’d make mistakes with and later we draft an apology together. Funny ,I know…I wasn’t looking for normal cause honestly ,I’m far from normal ,in fact, I’m everything but normal…I know I got issues so I needed someone that’s messed up too.

When he said the world was full off cliques, I knew the shoe would fit,little did I know he was a cobbler,and with that he played with what I wanted and going back to the drawing board, I’m grateful I ended up with sandals,could’ve been worse…


Why waste her time.

You know too well you have no intentions of having anything long-term,

She is beautiful, something about her eyes and the spark they posses,mind blowing.

She is intelligent. She almost has everything figured out apart from the fact that you might not last. SL

She is financially stable but never let’s that intimidate you,in fact, you feel relaxed that she don’t always have to rely on you.

She has the perfect curves,not too big not too small. carefully crafted ,a perfect work of art. her smile lights up the room and your world too.

You walk with her ,your hand around her waist,introducing her to your friends and they all think she is a catch but something about you…

She is fine,but maybe too fine…too beautiful perhaps,or is it too stable?

I think she deserves to know…


It had been forever,

When he placed his arm around my waist,

Pulling me toward him,I felt the connection. I felt the love.

It had been a while since someone showed me affection is such a way,and I longed for it. with every breathe we got closer,with every heartbeat I could feel him getting closer and closer,with every move I yearned for him.

I had all this figured out in my mind I knew what I wanted and made it clear it was him. for long I’d loved him from a distance. My love for him had thrived behind curtains and other harsh conditions but that never got to me .I knew I wanted him,and somehow he wanted me too. I yearned for his touch,and as his fingers explored my body I’d nothing but to give in.

For months I’d craved for this feeling. To belong and to be loved. Without limitations, to be adored . without fear to be appreciated and with all imperfections to feel perfect in love but all this wouldn’t make sense if it all never started with him.

I know he knew but ignored. Somehow i thought he probably felt pressured .I was willing to have him,broken and bruised ,hurt and abused,but was he ever willing to have me.

Well,I was too scared,so I never really stuck around to find out…


im trying to speak but im choking on my words,

i want you,

you don’t try,

you enjoy tormenting me,

with every word you oppress me,

im clothed in pain,

submerged in the hurt you cause,

the evil smile,

the yearning and the cravings,

i want you daily,

i want you bad,

but its clear I’ll never have you…







when you chose to fall in love you also give yourself out to pain and hurt.

everything that falls breaks eventually,even those of us who fall in love tend to get our hearts broken or our trust broken at some point. funny thing about heartbreaks is that the heart never learns.we always find ourselves falling deeper and deeper every time.

when you rattle the snake you should prepare to get bitten.Ive loved and Ive had my heart broken couple of times but still i find myself playing with the same flame that gave me the scar in the first brother says you have to let go to i really want to learn?must i learn?

Truth is,this is love.Its all we yearn for.To love and be loved.Its all we need.All that we desire and hope for.That’s why we never get tired of giving ourselves one last try(its always the last)and hoping to find what completes us.

I’m still searching…

big bro

i was inspired by my elder bro,one and only,and now i feel like im ready to express my thoughts  freely.

he taught me that by letting go,we learn,and with time i say he was right.

letting go is never easy:you’re never assured of a future but still hope,never certain that its the right call but still you take the leap,not certain of the turn out,but yet again hopeful.and one of the difficult positions a human can be in, is not knowing(leaving things to chance)

after letting go comes the hard part,waiting …